Why Men Care So Much About Squirting — And What Actually Matters

Let’s be honest: there’s a lot of confusion and unrealistic expectations swirling around when it comes to female sexual pleasure. If you’ve ever felt pressure to perform a certain way in the bedroom, or if you’ve been made to feel like something’s “wrong” with you because your body doesn’t do what you see in videos online, I want you to know that you’re not alone—and more importantly, you’re probably completely normal.

Recently, I had a question from a woman whose boyfriend had an ex who squirted, and he was desperately trying to make it happen for him. She felt broken. She felt inadequate. And she was frustrated because, frankly, she just wanted to enjoy sex without the pressure and without soaking her sheets. This question sparked a really important conversation about what actually matters in sexual health, and I’m sharing my thoughts with you today.

The Squirting Myth: Not Every Woman Can—And That’s Okay

Here’s what the data actually tells us: about 40% of women describe themselves as squirters. That means 60% don’t. Full stop. This is completely normal, and it’s not a reflection of your arousal level, your responsiveness, or your worth as a partner.

I know that might be hard to believe given what you see in pornography and online content, but these sources have created a widespread misconception that squirting is something every woman should be able to do—and something men should prioritize making happen. That’s simply not accurate.

What Actually Is Squirting?

Let me give you the science. The fluid that comes out during squirting originates from two sources: the bladder and the Skene’s glands (those small glands located beneath the urethra at the top of the vagina). These glands are actually analogous to the male prostate.

Studies have shown that the fluid contains PSA (prostate-specific antigen), which confirms it’s coming from the Skene’s glands. When researchers have analyzed the chemical composition, they’ve found that while it contains some fluid from the bladder, it’s distinctly different from urine—it’s much more dilute and has a different composition altogether.

The bottom line? Squirting is a physical response that some women experience, but it’s not a marker of sexual satisfaction, arousal, or pleasure.

Can You Learn to Squirt?

This is a fair question. In theory, yes—perhaps you could learn to squirt if you stimulate the Skene’s glands (often referred to as the G-spot area). Consistent stimulation of this region might trigger fluid release from these glands. However, I want to be clear: not everyone will be able to, and that’s perfectly fine.

More importantly, even among women who do squirt, not all of them enjoy the experience. Some feel embarrassed. Some find it inconvenient. Some simply don’t care for it. And that’s valid too.

Why Men Focus on Squirting (And What They Should Focus On Instead)

I think part of why male partners become fixated on squirting is because they’re looking for visible, physical confirmation that their partner has experienced pleasure. With male ejaculation, there’s an obvious end product. With female pleasure, that’s not always as obvious.

But here’s what’s actually telling: when someone orgasms (regardless of gender), their pelvic floor muscles contract in a very specific rhythmic pattern—0.8-second intervals. You literally can’t fake this, even if you tried. This physiological response is something partners can potentially sense through touch, combined with nonverbal cues and communication.

And that’s the real key: communication. Ask your partner if they enjoyed themselves. Ask if they orgasmed. Ask what felt good. Ideally, your partner will tell you the truth. This honest dialogue matters infinitely more than chasing a visual marker like squirting.

What Actually Matters in Sexual Health

Let me be direct: pleasure matters. Enjoyment matters. Feeling comfortable and pressure-free in your body matters. Whether you squirt or not? That doesn’t matter at all.

If you don’t squirt, your sexual experience isn’t incomplete. If you feel pressure to squirt, that pressure itself can actually decrease your ability to relax and enjoy intimacy. If your partner is more focused on achieving squirting than on your pleasure and comfort, that’s worth a conversation.

Sexual health is about mutual respect, open communication, and genuine connection. It’s about what feels good for you—not what looks good on a screen or what someone else’s body did.

Moving Forward

If you’re in a situation where you’re feeling pressured to do something your body doesn’t naturally do, I encourage you to have an honest conversation with your partner. Share how you feel. Explain that your pleasure and comfort matter more than any specific physical outcome. A partner who truly cares about you will want to understand your body and your preferences, not impose unrealistic expectations.

And if you’re curious about your own body and want to explore what feels good, that’s wonderful too. But do it for you—not to meet someone else’s expectations.

Remember: your body is not broken. You are not inadequate. And you deserve to enjoy sexual intimacy without shame or pressure.

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